Sean's story

Sean Payne is our emotional support wellbeing officer who runs wellbeing groups at The Life Hub. He first became a volunteer and then a Harm Reduction worker helping people cut down on drug use. As a recovering addict, he found it all a bit overwhelming but helping people change is his favourite thing about recovery.

His personal journey involves using drugs in his mid-twenties to impress his girlfriend who smoked weed. During his childhood he describes himself as quite protected and he didn’t know where to get the drugs.

By the time he realised he had a problem with addiction, it was too late, so he began asking the wrong people. Soon he had graduated to crack cocaine, He said he didn’t want to take it but he was that scared of being judged,

Then three or four years later, I was in the grip of addiction It was hard. My dad got really upset and said, “you’re not living, you’re like a ghost, we only know you are here when you bump.”

My mum and dad tried to get me help but I didn’t want it. I tried to justify it because I had been in an abusive relationship and that was my way of coping.

Then it came to a point where mum and dad couldn’t look after me anymore and they gave me an ultimatum, you go to rehab or you are out on the street.

The thought of being on the street terrified me because I am not a streetwise type of guy. I was always having money taken off me because I am sat in these crack houses. I was terrified. So, I just gave them money or drugs. I ended up using alone which isn’t good because when you are adding drugs into an already broken head it leads to quite a dark place.

I made the decision to go to a rehab in Derby called Jericho House.

They work quite closely with the Falcon. I went there for nine months, and I just remember feeling suddenly freer. Then I lived in an after-care house where I had all this support around me.

I’ve surpassed who I was supposed to be. Recovery is the life you should have had not the life you had. The life I had is what led me to drugs. When I reflect, I look at how different I was before drugs. I was a late bloomer. I was 22 before I touched drugs but I’d still do things to make people like me and act out.

My favourite thing about recovery is it gave me a way to deal with life and fear.

After getting out of rehab, I volunteered at Jericho for about two years. They offer you a chance to get back into society. You get a job and can build your integrity up. A guy I knew started working at Falcon Support Services and I heard they had a recovery week so I went along.

I realised drugs weren’t the problem, I was the problem, drugs helped me fix the problem, All I needed was to learn how to be myself. That was a turning point.

That initial phase of volunteering gave me so many platforms. I feel gratitude for how much I have grown and changed. A couple of months into volunteering, I applied for a job, thinking I am never going to get it. I didn’t think I was ready, I’ve seen people 10 years clear of Jericho ask for guidance, but the Manager said feel that fear and do it anyway.

So when the opportunity to form Sons of Jericho came about – I jumped at the chance. We are all a group of recovering addicts. Our guitarist Matt and Neil played guitar and then we hired out a room and sorted out some jam sessions. I met Jake and formed the band Sons of Jericho and we’ve been together about a year. I am not just in a band; my band is my support. We are all close friends and can be honest with each other and we all want great things for each other.

I studied performing arts at university before I went downhill with my addiction and always wanted to express myself. We have been gigging for about a year – it is a dream come true as we all help one another. Building myself up slowly has allowed me to trust and be part of something good.

While volunteering at the Falcon I came across a group called Sing and String and joined up. This is testament to how drama helps develop confidence. Then I signed up for Falcon Fest and even though I am really shy, I stood up in front of loads of people and felt brilliant. I am fearful individual so if I had to do this on my own, I would have struggled.

Now my confidence has soared, and I even completed a comedy show to raise money for charity – watch this space for more dates. Sean’s story proves that there is life after rehab.